this time won't you save me

"save me," I called out as I fell further into the hole.
being lost is one thing, and being stuck is another. i am not lost, i know exactly where i am going and i know how to get there. i am stuck in this mediocrity i call Boston Latin School. it's funny, after spending 5 years in a place it starts to feel like home, latin feels like a prison, or a house arrest bracelet... i know exactly where im going and how to get there, but i cant get away from these confindments. im a bright kid, not dumb, not vulnerable, not foolish, i could excell anywhere i went, a student with a's and b's... instead i walk my marathon every day in a school that is only bringing me down. i am not a quitter, but i am realistic. i realize that i will not be able to continue my career at bls without going completely insane. the childish rules, the immature unqualified teachers, the babies that consume 1/3. i walk the way i do, i talk the way i do because i am comfortable with who i am. i am not what people expect or want me to be. i live twith the insecurity of never being good enough, constantly changing myself, wanting improvements becaus eno matter what, i cannnot be happy with myself. i am Bri Vandecamp. i do not need to put my personal life in everything i do, i dont need to cry in public, i dont need to frown when someone insults me, i need to keep my head high and keep smiling. smiles are funny things, you can be legitimately happpy, or you could be doing the infamous fake smileee which i have become quite accostumed to... i constantly think about how if i could only find the light in the tunnell.... id find my way out. that light is not anywhere to be found at bls. i want to find my way out of this school, town, city, state/ i want to be amonst the glitter and sequins, the flashing lights, the smiles, the tears the heartbreak. im readyy... i just need to get un-stuck.


"save me," I called out as I fell further into the hole.